||[Jul. 19th, 2010|01:04 am]
|||||The House That Built Me||]|
It has been a while since I have posted in here. Was thinking of getting rid of it, but I guess I just cannot do that. Can't sleep, what else is new. I think that this is the longest I cannot sleep in a long while. Not even sure why this time. I should be the happiest kid ever, having just turned 22 a week ago and things have seemed to be looking up. But there is just something missing. I am not sure of a lot of things any more. Life is life and it seems that it gets harder with each day passing. I am not saying that I am depressed in any way cuz I really am not. Just have been thinking about a lot of things and looking through some of my life.
Boys: what can I say about them. I have decided that dating is over rated and a person should just propose. Seems like that is the only way will ever have someone to love me. Complicated relationships define my life and I cannot seem to get away from them. There have been the almost maybes and the "I like you, but right now I am looking for friendships" and the one that still gets me the, "I thought I liked you, but God has given my heart to my ex and after 6 months I have figured this out." Relationships, why do they have to be so complicated? Why can't it be like, boy meets girl, boy likes girl and asks her out? Cuz at least then I will know where I stand. With all of these bad relationships I feel like there is something wrong with me, that I will never find that person for me. I mean yes, I am only 22, but Idk I guess I am just ready to settle down. But I know that will probably never happen.
How did I let things with Chevy get to be so complicated? There were tiny feelings, but I can never see myself with him in the long run. And I accidently let that slip and he took it to be way more then it should and we have not talked in almost 1 month. I have tried to talk to him about all of this, but there is nothing. But I guess I deserve his silence, I have hurt him more than anyone should.
Adam, well what can I say about him. I have feelings for him, but I know that they are just premature and that I have to do something about all of this before it gets way to complicated. Wait it has already gotten to that point. But right now I have got a system worked out and I am getting rid of his temptation and him because I don't need him in my life. And it seems to be going good as of right now.
My life as of right now, well things are going well, but I guess things have really been keeping me up at night and that is a bummer. Also there is a slight belief that one I am going to be alone forever and two I hurt everyone that I care about and push them away. I need to get out of this rut like soon, because it is really not a good one. Who knows maybe tomorrow will be different.